What "things"in my life that cause me this concern are stressful, but I trust God, I do!! - I have experienced His provisions, His love, peace, joy & His directions so many times in my life; even in times of extreme stress; like death, loss of babies, loss of home and finances! Why now? I am praying, I am asking God to reveal anything in my life that is not pleasing to Him. Don't get me wrong, I know that God loves me, He gave His life for me, for my sins; but I also know that He disciplines those that He loves - and He truly loves me. What He has revealed to me is my attitude and snide remarks when someone hurts / threatens me! I hate when I am like that... it is a "fallback" mode that I sink to when I could otherwise just rest in Him, and take it to Him in prayer, turn the other cheek.... I want others to see His character in my life, but I am not perfect and He is not finished with me yet! I am not patient with people sometimes and I am even more impatient with my self.
My late "spiritual" mom, Iva Mae, used to say, even @ 85... "oh, the Lord is working on my pride"; really? She was saved @ 14, walked faithfully with the Lord, trusted Him and shared Him with everyone... really? pride??? I couldn't see it, but frankly, unless you know me very well...you won't see my anxious heart either! But I am and I feel ashamed, and truthfully, sometimes unable to fully surrender my concerns! Oh, help me Lord... I don't want to be this way, why now? Please reveal Yourself to me in a new way, one that I may have forgotten, one I take for granted, one that I ignore, one I don't want to hear! Please, I want to have all that You have planned for me: peace, joy, love, patience, kindness, suffering, whatever it is... it is from Your hand, and nothing can touch my life without Your permission, because You have good planned for me, not of evil to give me a future and a hope - no matter how is is "clothed"!!! - I want to dwell on what is pure, holy, righteous, of good report - if there be any good - to think upon these things - regardless of my circumstances!
They say that writing is cathartic... so I write... should it be a private conversation, perhaps, but for this moment maybe others feel the same and need to know they are not alone!!! And I want them to know that, just like me..they can say....
Psalm 28:7
"The Lord is my strength and my shield; My heart trusted in Him, and I am helped; Therefore my heart greatly rejoices, And with my song I will praise Him."
In His grip and grateful!!!
Linda
